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The Terrible Twos
I think we have all heard of the “Terrible Twos”, right?
The stage in a brand-new toddler’s life that makes you question whether your loveable, peaceful, cuddly baby was suddenly possessed by some unseen, yet very angry force almost overnight.
The stage in parenting that suddenly smacks you in the face and makes you regret every dirty look that your young, unexperienced self ever casted towards an overworked mom struggling with her tiny terror in the store.
The “Terrible Twos” drains every ounce of our patience and energy, leaving us dragging with scrambled eggs for brains by the time bedtime rolls around. However, bedtime is a whole different beast most nights and you find yourself having to dig deeper than you thought you could for the energy and patience to get through that now, too.
Oh my gosh, aren’t they so sweet though? They are so funny, too – the way they walk around, filled with so much fascination and curiosity for the world around them. They love everything so purely and even their brutally honest criticism is always so genuine. Their silly little faces, adorable new laughs and giggles and a whole new zest for life fill you with so much love every day – but not every day is good, and that’s okay!
I used to have an Early Childhood Education teacher that refused to refer to this period as the “Terrible Twos”. This time was, instead, the “Terrific Twos”, according to her. I thought she was crazy when she first said that. After all the experience this woman had with these tiny terrors – the years of teaching, schooling, mentoring and mothering her own children – she still refused to refer to them as the “terrible Twos”. I didn’t understand where her patience came from, until we got more into the WHY behind all these frustrating behaviors.
The truth is: They are more frustrated than you are.
The Terrific Twos
Suddenly, your helpless baby can walk, run and climb. He has all this new freedom and these new abilities to do what he wants to do, coupled with all the curiosity that comes from truly seeing the world for the first time. Your baby is now a toddler and toddlers want to be independent and learn everything they can, yet they don’t understand when things are unsafe or simply just not possible to do now. They hear the word “No” and suddenly their dreams are crushed, and the world stops for a minute. All they want is to see what’s on the other side of the street in that field over there – all the bright green grass and trees, maybe some moths flying around too. But you told them “no” and they can’t fathom why Mommy wouldn’t him to run out in front of all these fast-moving cars to feed your curiosity. Everyone hates being told no, especially without reason. Mommy is such a jerk.
Why is your kid suddenly on a hunger strike? It might just be because he can be. Your little person now can make his own decisions and to choose what he wants and doesn’t want, so he will exercise that newfound right until he figures out the boundaries. Now he knows that he likes certain foods and not others, and that he can choose to eat when he’s ready so he can keep playing. Your little one isn’t going to starve, I promise. Just breathe Mama – Stick to your guns and hang in there!
Emotions Are Tough
Not being able to effectively communicate how they feel, what they want and what is bothering them is a huge frustration trigger in young toddlers too. Even as adults, we have plenty of trouble identifying how we feel and knowing how to work through it in a way that doesn’t involve yelling, screaming, swearing, crying and throwing things. Emotions are NOT a skill we are born with and eventually develop over time. Being able to identify how they feel and knowing how to move forward from it is a HUGE step for kids and can be instrumental in helping your family get through this period of parenting. Toddlers have big emotions, but no experience with them. Not being able to fit their toy car into the hole in the back of the chair may be infuriating to your two year old, because they REALLY wanted to see what would happen in they put their toy car in the hole and they don’t understand what is stopping them and why it just will not fit. To us, it seems so silly and we share the story with family and friends while we laugh about all of the small things the kids do throughout the day – but to them, it’s a huge part of their day and that frustration we saw was only a small glimpse of the temporary turmoil our little angel just went through. Talk to your babies about their emotions and help them work through them. They really are trying SO hard!
You Got This, Mama
After going through schooling, some years in childcare, and now having a son myself, I now get where my teacher was coming from. These little monsters aren’t just tiny jerks. Toddlers can yell, scream, throw things, hit you – its all frustration and desperation driven impulse. Of course, kids are absolutely still jerks sometimes, but just remind yourself that its okay. Your baby isn’t a brat, he’s just struggling with learning how everything works, including himself. You are not a bad Mama for being frustrated and burnt out. Parenthood wouldn’t be as rewarding if we didn’t have to fight through the “I’m just going to lock myself in the closet and hide here for a while” type of days. Then the kids grow up and move out and we would give anything to have them be a “Terrific Two”, again.
Climb out of the closet, go read 10 different stories and put those kids to bed. Then, get some wine and your comfy clothes because parenting is also about survival.